Thursday, August 19, 2010

Mammograms and Wigs

First off, I am a private person. I was intending on NOT telling anyone besides family about my breast cancer. I have come to the conclusion...who cares. If I can help someone out there going through the same issues as me, that is fantastic! So, posting my link to this blog and telling the whole FaceBook world I had breast cancer was a pretty big step for me...
Last night was one of the hardest nights I had since I found out I have breast cancer. I have held myself together pretty dang well for the past 6 days. I have only cried once or twice and never asked God why. I am not a big crier unless I am super passionate about something or I am really upset. And I do not like to cry infront of people. Not family or friends. I really thought, hey, I got this. But Shoot…Last night from 1am-3am I laid on the bathroom floor and had a pity party with myself, the scale, and the toilet. All while Ryan , Mom, Zucca, and Aston slept. I also did not tell anyone until right now that I cried :) so, on that note. I did not sleep and had to get up bright and early for my Mammogram which I could not stop thinking about. My boobs were about to be squished to death and heck no I was not excited!
I was in some pretty bad pain last night and could not take my pain medication because I thought I had a PET scan. (Found out today that it is not until next Thursday) You can not drink after 12am and at 12:07 am I said “Ryan! I forgot to take my pain medication can I take it?” Ryan so loving and being a non rule breaker said” NO MAEGAN absolutely not”. So that is what led to the pity party in the bathroom… pppaaaiiinnn… And thinking about the mammogram.
Okay I would like to take this time to say thank you to the inventor of the mammogram machine. Whoever you are out there, you suck! Holy freaking moley that machine causes some serious pain! That is all I am going to say about that.
I had a sonogram too this morning and they found something in my left breast now. Not sure what it is, but I will find out soon because I am sure Dr. C will take a biopsy on that breast. The way I see it is, if it is cancer, so be it…. The chemo is going to kick its butt.
I have officially decided that I am going to shave my head during the first to two weeks of chemo. I am also going to video tape in and put it on here for you guys to see. Because I think it is something people should see. This is real. This is as real as it gets and this can happen to anyone. I want to help women in this situation in the future to know that they are not alone. I want women to watch this video and say “Wow, if she can do this, I can do this”. I do love my hair, but I would rather prepare myself mentally with shaving my head rather than sitting in bed watching Teen Mom and my hair falling out in my hands. That would not be cool.
So, today Mom, Deb, and I went to look for wigs! And boy did we find some! The first wig I put on… I started crying. I tired my hardest to hold it back but it hit me like a ton of bricks. I just looked at me in the mirror and said in my mind. F-U Cancer. You are taking my hair from me. What else do you want to take? Your going to be taking my boobs, my hair, possibly my eyebrows… what else do you want to take from me to make me feel less of a woman? I am going to look like my brother. But skinny and pale. Which is fine because he is handsome. This just makes me realize I thought I was one tuff cookie with handling all this but geeze, it’s pretty dang hard.
So I am posting my wigs pics… I like the short styles because my hair has always been so thick I was never able to have short hair flair. But now.. get prepared because I am going to have some pretty sweet dos! I am also getting some Tory Burch scarves and making head turbans!! I am so happy and can not wait to wear a TB Turban!!
I find out tomorrow a lot of news. I already know it is a grade 2 and that it is triple negative but I find out if it has spread to my lyphnodes and stage of Cancer. I am praying to the good lord that it has not gotten to my lymph nodes and spread. But if it has, I know that God did not put me on this earth to face a battle alone. Until tomorrow much love and… fight like a girl!


  1. !!!Maegee!!! I love my Maegan. Yep. Do U and Lauren remember this as little girls, one of our simple, yet meaningful songs?
    U are my Sunshine my only sunshine, U make me happy when skies are grey, U never know dear how much I Love U, please dont take my sunshine away. Well, that comes to mind, my mind right now... Notice I didnt mention ure brother when I addressed only U and Lauren, he might not appreciate that! Even though, he falls right in there also !
    I AM with you my Maeg, in person when able, and/or in spirit, always

  2. The New U is even more Beautiful-
    because U're Courage is showing . . .
    XXOO your, Mom

  3. pinchme21-PLEASE send me your email address

  4. This post just made me laugh and cry. You are a lot stronger then you give yourself credit for. And there is no doubt in my mind that you are going to make it thru this and come out a stronger, beautiful, fierce woman!!! Your mom couldn't be more right about your beauty and courage!!! You look beautiful in all of them. I think the short blonde is my favorite!! It's short and sassy.

  5. Maegan this is Amazing! It takes a tremendous amount of strength for you to do this. You are gonna kick CANcers CAN:) I just came up with that..I think can means grandma used to say sit my can down I am just putting two and two together! Just don't forget to laugh and enjoy every moment of life! Thank you for sharing your story and your struggles! xoxo

  6. ps I LOVE the second one! and I love the red tinted one:)

  7. You are a very strong and amazing young woman. Your blog will give others hope, strength and guidance. My wife's sister is a breast cancer survivor. We will read your post and remember you are not alone in this fight. You are in our prayers. We like the blonde wig but the all look good. The DeWitts

  8. I am so glad you decided to do a blog about your cancer. It's a great outlet to get your emotions out there and say what you need to without people constantly wanting to ask you how you're doing.

    You are such an amazing young woman. Our family has been so blessed since you came into our lives. Your sincere and giving heart shine brighter than you can imagine. We are so proud of you and your outlook. Know that we are here for you! We love you!!!!!!

    Love the 2nd wig, but I think you'd be beautiful with any style. I'm still waiting to see if Ryan follows through. lol

  9. omg maegan! you are so strong, i think more so than your making you seem to be! you're in my thoughts and prayers! i like all the wigs on you! you can have so many hair doos!! :) stay strong!!

  10. "I believe," U can keep going long after U think U can't . .
    We love U Maegan, xxoo
    Nanna, Uncle Tim, Lauren, Nikos, Zach n Martzia,Matteo, Mom

  11. You're very brave! I hope you'll be alright with what you're going through right now. I have also a friend who's fighting against breast cancer. She even attended a breast cancer awareness meet-up lately. She told me that many women who attended the event donned lace front wigs, aspen wigs and estetica wigs. I'm grateful for sharing a piece of your life here in your blog.