Sunday, December 26, 2010

Smitten :)

(I am all puffy from my last and final chemo. Oh and the steroids and crying...but I am happy as can

Laying in bed looking at the clock it reads “12:56 am” I can’t sleep. Because I keep thinking about how Ryan proposed. Everything he said replaying in my head over and over. His face, his giant smile, the fish camp all lit up with candles, and me crying happy tears the whole time while he was confessing his love for me earlier that evening. I am so happy that finally I can’t sleep not because steroids or sickness in my body, but because I can’t stop thinking about being ENGAGED to my love!!!!

This morning I woke up the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. I woke up 30 minutes early so I could sit and stare at my ring. And you better believe when the alarm went off at 7:30 am I jumped out of bed and ran to my gorgeous ring. I sat on my stool in the bathroom and stared at my bling bling for 30 minutes. It was awesome.
So, I am engaged! I am engaged! Holy cow ya’ll! This is nuts. For once in the last 4 months I have not been thinking about having cancer and have been thinking about this rock on my finger and the amazing man who put it there. I am in a complete state of happiness and am engaged to a perfect man! The proposal was perfect, the ring is perfect, and the man who has stolen my heart is perfect! I wanted to update my blog on something besides cancer for once. So, I will tell you guys the story of “us”. Enjoy _

“Hey, you gotta meet this dude I work with. He has no friends and has no one to hang out with. He moved here from TX and hates it here”- Chris Morrison
“Okay! I will be his friend!! I love making friends” - Maegan Murr

And that is where our love began! On the beautiful beaches of Panama City Beach, Florida (My hometown). We spent the wonderful summer getting to know each other on the beach every day in the sunshine and every night under the stars. Our life on getting to know each other and how our love began pretty much was out of a Nicholas Sparks Novel (The Notebook, Nights in Rodanthe). Haha Just kidding. But, no really it was.

Then Ryan had to move back to TX. He came to PCB to work and he was moving back to Dallas. So, with that being said, I tagged along! Actually to be exact and specific it went a long the lines of this….

“Well, I have to move back to TX”- Ryan
“Ahh! Really? What! Man that bites!”- Maegan
“Yeah…,” (in a very calm and collective voice)- Ryan
“Well, I am not having a long distance relationship because they never work out and they are lame, but I do love you”(in a sassy tone)- Maegan
“Okay so move with me”- Ryan
“Okay! Sounds good”- Maegan

And that was 5 years ago. We are still living the life of a romance novel and happier than ever! I am not going to spill all the beans on us because that has to wait until the engagement shindigs but I will tell you that I am the luckiest woman alive! The past 4 months have been complete madness and Ryan has been there for me every step of the way. I feel like I have been trapped in a freakin’ nightmare and Ryan has continued to comfort me and assure me everyday we are going to survive this. He brings so much happiness and joy to me everyday, especially when I am sick. When I lay there in bed crying and saying I cant do this anymore he is the one who picks up all the pieces and puts me back together. He is the reason I smile everyday and I am seen rarely with a frown. I couldn’t imagine going through cancer without him. I couldn’t imagine going through life without him. We have been together a long time and just within the past 4 months we have learned so much about each other. Qualities were brought out that I never knew I had and he never knew he had. It has made us stronger together than we have ever been. He listens to me complain about having no hair and looking like an alien. He sees past the bald me and sees a beautiful woman, which I do not see how- but he does. I barley have eyebrows and he still tells me everyday how I look like a million bucks. I could go on about him all day- SO, we are engaged!!! This is the happiest I have ever been in my whole life. I have the man of my dreams, my hair is growing back, I am getting healthier by the day, and I am getting new big boobs! Not to mention, last time I went to see Dr. Canavan she said it felt like only scar tissue where my tumor once was. 3.8 cm of tumor now scar tissue! Chemotherapy busted out a can of whoop ass on this tumor! Which, it better have because those past 4 months were insane. I have a MRI on January 10 to see if the tumor is gone and then from there I get ready for the double mastectomy! YAY! 2011 is going to be a great year! Here are some pictures of my gorgeous ring, where Ryan proposed, and my hair growing back! Fight like a Girl…

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching.

It’s December! December! I want to sing it from the rooftops! DECEMBER! One more chemo treatment for me and I am a free bird. I am so happy that I could cry! It’s hard to think about without getting all-emotional because I am not going to feel like poop anymore! I am going to have my health back and be free of pain!! I will be able to really feel what it is like to be a healthy 25 year old women! Heck yeah this is great!

But, I will go ahead and give you a little sneak peak into the life of Maegan Murr and tell you what I have been going through for the past 6 days… Well, I am on steroids so I eat like a maniac and love every second of it. BUT, the chemo makes my tongue feel swollen and my teeth feel like if I bite down they will break. It feels like I was kicked in the ribs, lower back, hips, shoulder blades, and chest. My eyelids and eyeballs hurt and... Okay, so you get it… every joint and muscle in my body is hurting. But, my friends, I am not nauseous and not barfing so I am happy! I may have horrible acid reflux, can’t sleep because the pain is horrendous, but I am not hanging by the toilet all night so I am one happy gal! And, my hair is growing back AND my eyebrows are beginning to fill back in!! Yay!

This 7th chemo treatment has been a little easier than the last 6 because I have not gone to the doctor once for problems! I have followed the rules this time and have taken it easy (No shopping and just being lazy on the couch) and have been drinking my water like a fish! The only part I have been a rebel on is stopping my steroids early. WHAT! Come on! You would too if you ate 4 bowls of sinigang and a GIANT bowl of rice! So, stopping the steroids has made my little ol’ body hurt even worse. But it is okay because I should be feeling better soon. So ya know what that means… onward and upward and taken my ibuprofen 800mg round the clock!

Aug 13, 2010 is the day I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Looking back on one of the stupidest day in History, (Sorry Katy I know it is your anniversary but that day really does bite) I think to myself, Damn, life is freakin nuts. One day I am a health nut working out, enjoying life, having no worries and the next day I am gobbling down carbs, having waves of hot flashes, and laying on the cold floor crying feuding with God asking why. Some days were easier than others and I asked God “why me” only a few times. There is not a reason why. It just happened. After Reading my scriptures and praying led me to the reason of: Shit happens. This stupid cancer is in my poor boob because it just is. God is not up in heaven laughing thinking “Ha-ha poor girl has to have cancer”. HE is saying “Maegan you can do this, you were put on this earth to be an example and through me anything is possible”. I mean ya know it bites to have cancer but God has held my hand and lifted me up this whole time. Without him, I would be mentally and physically sick.

Since the day I was diagnosed I see how I have changed. I feel like I have developed into a different person. One, I get to say “Hey, I have had cancer at 24, have you?” Two, I am patient and have slowed my life down. I see everything I should be thankful for and cherish all the people in my life. I take time to listen instead of rushing through conversations. When you feel like you are about to die, you just get this whole new outlook. One thing I am extremely grateful for is not worrying as much. I used to care so much what people thought of me. I was constantly worrying. Especially when it came to friendships and loved ones. It feels like weight has been lifted off my shoulders and life is easier. Taking one day at a time and taking time to breathe is great!
One more chemo treatment to go! December 16!
January 12 is my surgery to see if the cancer has spread to my lymph nodes and January 17 is my mastectomy date. Then life just gets easier from there. Fight like a girl!

Oh! Check out these videos I did for work (Nana.. this is for you)!

Here is a link to pictures of when my family visited TX for Thanksgiving