Monday, November 22, 2010

People Say the Darndest Things!

I would like to take a moment to say thank you to all the people in the world that seem to never have the right things to say.
To a doctor misdiagnosing me and saying “Yeah, that is not cancer, you’re too young and if it was you would die a gruesome death!” Thanks Doc, so sweet of you to share those uplifting words with me!
To the guy at work that told me “Cancer can’t make you THAT sick” to the Market Street employee who asked me “WOW, Is it really cold out side is that why you are wearing a scarf on your head?” (It was high 70’s, I have very little eyebrows, and he was being a smart ass. Very obvious I have something wrong with me) to the little lady at the deli “Eww, you have cancer, that sucks, my mom died from that” and not to mention a name but it rimes with FIN “AHH, your head is REALLY really white and your pale!” Um no sh#t- my noggin has been under hair for 25 years and I pretty much am allergic to the sun right now. Lastly, to you- you know who you are “So you must have gained weight because you’re looking really big”. I have gained 5 pounds, thank you very much.
Thank you! Thank you for making me laugh. Not with you but at you. And it is even funnier to me because half the time I get these weird comments the people do not even realize they stuck their foot in their mouth. So they are dead serious when they are saying the wrong things. I really feel bad for their significant others. Good thing I have a sense of humor and can laugh or I would never leave the house.

I wanted to post a picture of me with zero makeup and all fresh and clean clean with a bald head, what little eyebrows I have left, and no eyelashes. I am pretty sickly looking. BUT do not let the sick cancery look fool you, I am still same ol’ happy me in the inside, just a tad bit sad. I looked at this picture of me last night with my mom and almost started crying. I held back my tears because I realized- Hey, this is you. You are going through something terrible but still hold a happy attitude. So, don’t cry Maegan, be happy for having a happy spirit. It sunk in that I AM sick. I have freakin’ cancer. I am bald, missing eyebrows, NO eyelashes, and no sunshine on my skin. I am sure people are going to think I am crazy for putting this picture on here but I don’t care. I want everyone to see what chemo/cancer has done to me. I do not look like me. I look like a sick cancer patient, which I am. But I am still happy as can be and making the best of this stupid situation. Plus, I get to show my love for this great country! What is the National Bird of America? The BALD eagle! Not the 'Long Locks of Hair' eagle. I am way better at running now because the sweat rolls of my head and I am aerodynamic making me run faster and a lot quicker when I want to juke people out. Look at Michael Jordan, he is bald and a bad ass. Just like me! Since being awesome is not an act, it is a way of life-I obviously show how awesome I am with being different than others with a bald head, thinning eyebrows, and no eyelashes. When was the last time you walked into a store and saw a chick with absolutely NO hair? Yeah, never. Until you run into me! Pretty awesome.
People may be jealous of my bald head and my 0 tan lines. Since I am ex-nayed from the sun, I have a uniform tan line that extends to the top of my head. Making me all one color, which is white. I am sure if you shaved your head, you would have funky tan lines.

2 more chemo treatments left and I am free! Fight like a girl…

Monday, November 15, 2010

For the LOVE of food :)

Okay. So, since I have been on this new treatment of “Taxol” they have doubled my dose of steroids for the pain Taxol causes me. They have actually lowered my dose of Taxol because how much pain it brought to my last treatment. So, my treatment last week and my next 2 will be a lot easier!! Yay! If you are not aware of what steroids do to the bod please read:
1. Makes you eat everything in sight. Including wanting to literally drink soy sauce and eat a giant bag of Munchies.
2. Makes you want CARBS and SUGAR not carrots and veggies. Mmm cake.
3. Makes your vision even blurrier than what it was before. So, I really can’t see even with my glasses on.
4. Makes your want McDonalds and Chick Fil A. I mean like, eat a giant processed burger than mosey on over to Chick Fil A and continue on an eating binge. Yum! Ooh then guzzle it down with a giant Coke.

With all of this being said I am enjoying myself and never getting full! I am in heavin. The good thing about all of this steroid mess is that I am gaining weight. Which is not an easy subject for me to wrap my head around because I don’t want too pack on the pounds. It is good for me to be gaining weight right now because when my surgery comes I am going to be suckin down smoothies and not moving my arms. I am going to have to be hand fed. haha. Meaning, loosing weight. Ooh the roller coaster of cancer.

Good News! I can no longer feel my tumor! At all! It is going away!! Last time I went to the doctor and got a MRI (in OCT) it was 2.2 x 1.8cm. According to my own at home calculations… it is disappearing!! Thank you Heavenly Father!
I have 2 more rounds of chemo and then I am done! It is so hard to believe because it feels like December is never going to get here. But, I have to remember patience! Ryan’s family and I are going to Mexico to sit in the sun and have no worries at the end of December. In January I am scheduled for my Mastectomy. Then reconstruction soon after that! Once I get the mastectomy my surgeon will see if the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes and if it has spread to more than 4 lymph nodes I will have to have radiation. I keep praying that it has not spread and radiation is not needed. Well, that is about it… My family is coming in for Thanksgiving and that is just what I need right now to help heal. I get pretty sad the days after chemo because my body hurts so bad. Some days I wish life was easier and chemo was over. Having my mom, brother, sister and law, and 2 nephews here will definitely lift my spirits! Unfortunately, my sister is not able to get off work so that is a giant bummer. Ryan and Deb need a break from my crying spurts. I know they do not mind me getting upset and crying about all this cancer but they do indeed need a break. I have to admit, The lord sure did put a perfect man on this earth for me. Ryan has been more than incredible through this whole experience. Rene and Deb y'all sure did raise a good man! And Deb I love you, thank you for making every step of this way easy for me. You do not understand how much your kindness means to me :)

Thanks for everyone’s love and support and thinking of me all the time. I am still getting cards in the mail, gifts, emails, and tons of love my way. Thank you so much for the prayers. Heavenly father is taking good care of me. Sometimes I get pretty sad just wishing this would be over and I could have my normal life back but I know that there are great things in store for me in the future and to be patient. I think positive and just remember, I only have cancer. I will be able to hear the words “You are cancer free”. Even with having cancer my life is still wonderful and I am extremely blessed. I have been taken very good care of by the good lord above, my amazing boyfriend, My wonderful TX family, my family in FL, and all my sweet friends. You guys have made this crazy journey for me easy and pretty dang comfortable. Well, my blogging days are about to be up! Just two more treatments and I am done with the blogging world :) That’s all folks… till next time, fight like a girl!

Monday, November 1, 2010

5 down... 3 to go! AHHHH!

(My friend from High School, Amber Haas, drew this for me. She is AWESOME in general and a great artist!)
"The next 4 Treatments of Taxol will be a lot easier than the last treatments" -DR.K
Bologna!!! Heck No it's not! It is hard! I am on day 5 of this treatment and I am still in pain!
Day 1 of chemo and Day 2 after chemo I was so happy because I felt great! I was just a little tired and thinkin' woohoo awesome no worries!
Oooh man, I was way wrong because for the past 2 days I have been in the worst pain I have ever been in, in my 25 years of life.
A few things I have done that have caused similar pain to what I am in now:
I have been hit in the back of the head with many surfboards, fallen off a skimboard and injured my neck (I had to wear a neck brace, it was awesome) thrown off the trampoline into a palm tree and slide all the way down the tree (courtesy of the bro and his wrestling moves), fallen down a floor of stairs while holding a latter (because I am clumsy), AND fallen off a 2nd story balcony (because I am just dumb at times) you name the accident, I have been there. I am prone to getting myself hurt.
I am not being a drama queen or over exaggerating either... but these past few days I have had horrible muscle and joint pain, along with nausea/vomiting, and tingling in my fingers and toesies.
Basically, it feels like I just got hit in the face with a frying pan and beat with a ugly stick from my head to my toes. It is not a happy feeling at all. I guess this is what it feels like when you get beat up or hit by a car. I have been beat up by my sister with her tiny hands, a pillow, and tons of random bedroom obstacles thrown at me but never did she bring me this much pain as Taxol does. I have been hit by a car too. A parked car. I ran my bike and myslef into the car at, like, 35 mph. It hurt pretty bad. So, all that crazy talk about this treatment being easier was a fib! Dr. K really had me thinkin' I was going to be rockin and rollin for the next few months. Psshhh It is hard. Yesterday was the hardest by far. With a 100 temp, body aches, and nausea I was in misery all day. Luckily I had Ryan by my side all day to wake me up to eat and keep fluids in my body.
I just want this to end! December please hurry up and get here!!! I am so emotional right now because 1. I hate this and 2. I am not used to being unealthy and I get so sad that I have these crying spurts. Luckily, Ryan and Deb are the only 2 that have witnessed these crying spurts. Mom has heard them on the phone and just cusses at the cancer, telling the cancer who is boss. Mom knows whats up.
Sorry Deb and Ryan I am having weird crying spurts. But, Thank you for putting up with my crying. I know it may freak you out if I just start balling out of no where. Like if I am in mid bite of a juicy steak or just singing to Taylor Swift in the truck. But thank you for making me feel like it will be okay :) I love you guys.
I am still trying to be happy over here and remember the things I am thankful for. It is Novemember and the time of year we should give thanks. My mom always made us name at every Thanksgiving what we are thankful for. So,for starters- I am thankful I only have cancer. Life could be worse for me and I am blessed to have cancer, which I can overcome.
I am actually going to put up my Christmas Decorations early so it will make me think of DEC coming faster! My family is coming from FL to visit for Thanksgiving! So we are going to have a IsipMurrRadcliffWilson Thanksgiving! Yay!!
So on that note- That is my update and I am at home laying on the couch. I have a appt. today with Dr.Canavan to see how much my tumor has shrank and all that jazz. :)
Till next time...fight like a girl