Saturday, August 21, 2010

When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.

This is going to be lengthy... Sorry :)

I wanted to update my blog tonight to give thanks. First off, to the Good Lord above. You have given me the ability to be happy in a time of craziness. You are giving me the strength to get up everyday and face the day with a smile on my face. If it was not for your love, I would be depressed and looking at this event in a negative way. I have a strong soul and I thank you for that. And thank you, thank you, thank you for not letting my cancer spread!!!

I am so thankful to have so many wonderful people in my life. I may be going through a hard time right now but how could I be so sad when I have so many things to be happy about. Plus, it is not always about me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I do feel horrible and I am in some pain. This truly bites a big one. I am only human and yes I do wish things were different but they are not. But what good does it do to sit and complain? Sure my health may not be up to par but I have an amazing family that is spread out around Florida that gives me unconditional love. My boyfriend who always is doing everything in his ability to make me happy. I mean dang y’all he went and walked around the mall with my mom and I for 2 hours with no complaining! Now that is love. I have a wonderful mom who still picks up after me, puts me in my place, and makes me laugh harder than any one alive. Ryan’s parents treat me like I am the daughter they never had. Deb has been to every doctor’s appt with us and is making sure I am eating enough food and drinking plenty of water. She is definitely my second mom. Rene is the silent type. But when he speaks to me, I listen. Because it is important and I listen to him like he is my dad. Oh, and my sweet pup. Aston the 120 pound spoiled lab. Today he got the whole container of sugar off the counter, ate half the container, and sprinkled the rest all through out the living room. I come home from lunch to find my sweet Aston in a sugar comma with sugar ALL over his face. Thank you Aston. And Thank- you mom for cleaning it up.

All of Ryan’s family on his mom’s side and dad’s side have always been so good to me and always have made me feel like part of their families. I have felt so much love from all of them that it is one of the greatest feelings ever. To know you are cared and loved by, by so many is such a blessing. I feel like I have so many angels standing by me through thick and thin. Nancy and Rene (Ryans grandparents on his dad's side) have gone above and beyond by the special things they have done for me. From the beautiful flowers the Howell’s sent me to the lunches they have taken me on. Thank you! Ryan’s cousin got married tonight and it was such a fun wedding. At one point Ryan’s little cousin Isabella was playing with my hair. She is always giving me hugs and being sweet to me. She was playing with my hair and I started to think “Man, in a few months she is not going to be able to do this. She is not going to be able to run her fingers through my hair.” I closed my eyes and just thought to myself “This freaking sucks, I wish this moment would last forever.” I know that sounds lame but when you are about to be bald, you would be thinking the same thing. Isabella’s mom Francine even told me if I wanted to get all mushy and hug she would hug me. And FYI people, Francine does not get mushy and huggie. So that means she really does care so you better believe I am going to ask her to get “mushy” with me!! I come from a small family and to step in and be a part of Ryan's HUGE family that I feel so comfortable with is awesome! I am in bliss :)

(Ryan and I before the wedding)

(Isabella and Francine)

I was really touched by something a good friend of mine Emily did today. Her and I worked together for a little while and became pretty close. We are a lot alike in many ways and both are weenies at heart. A few of her family members have recently been diagnosed with cancer. When I told her I had cancer she was pretty upset and has been checking in on my everyday to make sure I am mentally and physically okay. Today she went and got 10 inches of her beautiful long hair cut off and donated it to a wig foundation that supports cancer patients. This is the first time she has had short hair in 18 years. Now if that is not a good friend then what the heck is. Emily, I love you.

From all my co-workers to all my friends who have showed so much love. Courtney and Daniel at work- THANK YOU for helping me while I am out of the office. Courtney, Thank you for being awesome in general. To Jenn and Brain ( hahaha I meant to write Brian, That would be cool if his name were Brain) for honoring me at a cancer foundation function and Lindsey K. who dedicated one of her dance performances in FL to me, Thank y’all from the bottom of my heart. To Caleb and Ben for getting Breast Cancer Awareness Tattoos in my honor, I love you guys. To all Ryan’s guy friends for bringing me 2 dozen roses at 12 am, Thank y’all! The emails I have been getting from old high school friends to people that have just run across my blog, Thank you for thinking of me and showing your support. Until sometime in the future…. Goodnight and… fight like a girl ;)


  1. We will definitely be some of the hottest bald babes out there! I can relate to being so busy, I must say that I probably lost the entire month of june and july. Life has just now slowed down and I can finally take a breath! You sound like you are doing great. All you can do is have a positive attitude. It really is just a bump in the road. At first I would cry and cry, but then I realized that, like you, I have so much to be thankful for. That is what focused me, that is what is important. This will not diminish the joy we have in our lives.

    You will laugh, but through it all, the hardest thing for me was the hair. I thought I could will it to stay but alas it did not listen! You have such beautiful hair, a word of advice, cut it short in stages, trust me it will be easier. Mine came out exactly 14 days after my first treatment, that seems to be the magic number. I didn't shave it until it started to come out and when you do, shave it around a 3 blade. Things will be fine, you will find inner strength that you never knew you had. Really, this sucks but we will recover. I think of you daily and I will be here for you any time. Heather

  2. I love you maegan. Please Remember that i love you when you feel your worst. Remember that you are allowed to have as many sick days as you need. And know that someone is always doing worse than you, even though im not sure i agree thats a way to look at any situation.

    p.s i love you