Saturday, August 28, 2010

Keep your Chin Up, Or your Wig will Fall Off- Zach

This morning I laid in bed feeling like nothing was wrong with me. I felt like I had a looong night of sleep (thanks to the ambien) and could start my normal non-cancer Saturday routine. Coffee, Running 5 miles, and shopping. I looked over at my snoozing pup that laid beside me and kissed him 900 times on the face and on the lips!! I know what you are thinking- eww gross! But no, that is not gross, that is love! I had no worries. At this moment of greatness in my life I could care less he eats bugs and other weird things. Once I start chemo on Monday I am not going to be able to kiss Aston or my cat Zucca. I can pet them and then have to wash my hands, how lame is that? That will be hard for me because I am a up in yo’ face gimmie some smoochie smooches kind of gal. Anyway, I felt like a million bucks this morning and I couldn’t of been happier. I soaked up the feeling of what it is like to be in good spirits. I took a deep breath and just relaxed. My whole body from my head to my toes felt normal. I did not feel nauseous, achy, or have any pain. I was in heaven! And then it happened. I rolled over on my belly. I was so relaxed and was not thinking about anything that I just rolled on over. AHHHHHH I forgot I had a spiky cat toy stickin out of my chest! So my 10 minutes of feeling like heaven quickly went out the window. I then remembered I had breast cancer and due to this stupid port I can’t lay on my stomach. Talk about buzz kill to a perfect morning.

Before bed I try to read my scriptures. Sometimes I pass out or sometimes worldy events like the TV show “Lock Up’ distract me. Last night I did not get in enough scriptures to sooth my soul so I read some this morning. Sometimes what I do is pray and then ask God to give me a sign by me flipping pages of the bible and when I stop flipping the pages, my finger will land on a scripture, which heavinly father meant for me to read. So, here I am flipping away praying to Heavenly father please give me some guidance… and I come upon this scripture: John 14: 1 –“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; Trust also in me”. Out of all the scriptures in the bible my finger lands upon John 14:1. I have such a strong faith and it makes me so happy to know that Jesus is with me every step of the way. I just wanted to share that with everyone because I know I worry way too much and am constantly thinking what is going to happen with me. It brought peace to me and hopefully whatever you are going through in your personal lives, it will bring peace to you as well.

I cut my thick long hair yesterday. Well, I didn’t cut it but a sweet lady named Heather did. Yes, I cheated on my hair stylist (sorry Brooke) and went to Rene’s and Ryan’s hair stylist. She did a great job! She helped me prepare for the big day all this hair is coming off my head. I couldn’t be happier because I love my new hair! I have noticed with short hair and my weight loss my nose looks bigger. Oh well, small price you have to pay for getting rid of cancer. Plus, I have never been vain so I do not really care. My best friend Katy is coming to visit from my stompin grounds... PCB Florida in September. We have been best friends since the 6th grade and have been through so much together. From fights to her two babies to her quitting all my jobs for me to anything you can think of. We have been there. It has been hard to go through this and not have her here with me for support. I have another good friend Crystal that is trying to get to TX to see me before all this cancer gets messy. It has been hard to not have her here either to comfort me with her wild personality. Anyway, I thought about going to Brooke (my friend and hair stylist) and letting her shave my head but I figure if I am not in my comfort zone surrounded by the things I love then I may get really upset and cry. I know if Katy does the honor she will make it fun and we will have a good time with giving me a good ol’ buzz cut! Time to relax and maybe go do some shoppin :) Have great weekend and till next time.. Fight like a girl


  1. I just absolutely love your blogs! You are SO amazing MurrMurr!!! I look up to you! You are just so courageous and wonderful about everything! You have the best sense of humor about everything! Just the name of your blogs makes me laugh. Though I don't think this is a laughing matter at all. I pray for you lady. I hope the "spiky cat toy" gets more comfortable for you darling! I was uninformed about those, so you taught me something! Keep that head held up high darling! You are going to be just fine!

    ps. I think you will make a BEAUTIFUL G.I Jane!!!

  2. maegan! your keep calm and carry on sign ive been seeing everywhere lately, ive even seen one that reads keep calm and have a cupcake which i think would be perfect for the kitchen.