Saturday, September 25, 2010
I wanted to update my blog today not exactly on my health but how I am facing this tough situation.
I have always thought our thoughts have a huge impact on how we live our lives. If you are a negative person and always complaining how are you going to be happy and make the ones around you happy? You are not. I believe you will have lack of courage, lack of spiritualism, and be fearful if you are living a
negative lifestyle. Perfect example of someone who needs a attitude adjustment-
Amber from Teen Mom.
On the other hand, if you have a positive tude then you will enjoy life. It is that simple.
I have been asked by tons of people how in the world am I handling this crazy situation. I am not so good at speaking sometimes. I stumble over my words a lot and get side tracked. It is easier for me to write it down.
So here it is:
Don't get me wrong, there are days when I do break down. Crying, screaming
in the pillow, and just letting my pain all out. I am only human and this is all part of the healing process in my opinion. If I am having a hard time (feeling sick), I normally will let everyone know. There is no hiding that! I have wanted to give up and lock myself in my room but that is simply just the
cancer talking. I have always tried to be a positive person and looked at bad situations as blessings in disguise.
Growing up I experienced a lot of hard times with my family. Our little family of four has been through things a lot of people will never face in a lifetime. Through these hard situations my mom always stayed strong and taught my brother, sister, and I to stay strong as well. We leaned on our Heavenly Father and each other, praying a lot during good and hard times. Our family through crazy times have never once been torn apart but have grown closer and stronger.
It is hard on my whole family and others right now that I am going through this. Thankfully, I am not going through this alone but in a way I am... I know this is affecting others but the actual chemotherapy, mastectomy, radiation all that jazz is affecting physically me alone. I know my brother is going to be pissed I am writing this but I know me having to battle this is hard on him. He has always had my back. If a boy in school said something mean to me the next day that boy would have 2 black eyes. And I am not kidding. Zach did not play around if someone was messing with me. If I fell off my skim board he was there to laugh at me and then help me up. If a spring breaker yelled "HEY GIRL" out their car window he was the dude chasing the car down the road yelling at the top of his lungs.
Now, I have cancer and there is nothing he can do. He can't take the pain from me or he can't punch the cancer in the face. But he is there for me and every word that comes out of his mouth it is like a wizard speaking. He is so smart- I mean HELLO he takes apart bombs for a living- He lets me know this is just something else we have to fight all together and I am never alone.
This is what makes me strong. My faith, My family, and The life experiences I have been through with my family.
So when I found out I had cancer, I mean yeah it scared me to death to hear the news, but this is part of God's plan for me. He knows me, he knows my heart, and he knows what I can handle and what I can not handle along with what is in store for me on this earth. This is also not in my hands and I know I can not control a big part of this. With the good lord above and my doctors... I am in good hands. Plus, it could be a lot worse. I could be suffering from a rare disease with no cure. So, I try to look at the bright side of things.
If I can't handle what is thrown at me, then ... I don't know. I have never thought about that. I am thinking if I can not handle it physically then my time is up.
I wanted to share a quote with everyone that I live by from a person I do not know but who I think is amazing.
Everything comes down to attitude. You determine what yours is and the external world will reflect it back.
Whether it's good news or bad news depends on you- on you're outlook. If you think you're not able to do things, guess what? You're right. What if you believe that every thing's for the best and see all the beauty around you, and you have faith
that things will be good? You're right, too. If you cultivate something in your mind, you give it a life. It is really that simple. - Laird Hamilton, genius.
Next Chemo appointment- Monday! Wish me luck :)
Posted by Ryan and Maegan at 3:39 PM