Tuesday, September 21, 2010

If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like

It is official. I am ugly. Well, my outer self is ugly. I would like to think I am still pretty on the inside. I think some people are just born beautiful and remain beautiful their whole lives. Kind of like Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, and the lady that works at Starbucks by my house. They all are smokin’ and no matter what hits them in life they are stunning! But me on the other hand I go through these crazy phases. I was born an ugly baby with tons of crazy hair. I have had rat tails, bad skin, mullets, and permmed mullets. Now, I am bald with patches of hair in random places on my head along with dried out skin from chemotherapy. I am definitely no Jennifer Aniston. I currently resemble Smeagol from Lord of the Rings. But ya know, I am okay with resembling an alien creature at the moment. Because I can look in the mirror and laugh rather than cry. I can take stupid pictures of myself and crack myself up rather than cry and pity myself for being bald and having bad skin. I also have the best boyfriend in the world that if I do cry because I look like Smeagol, he seriously makes me feel like I am the most beautiful women in the world. It is like he looks at me and sees me before I had Cancer. Ryan I love you! Here is a comparisson of Smeagol and I :)

I went to my favorite doctor today, Dr. Canavan for a check up! I received some wonderful information that I would like to share with the world! My tumor is shrinking!! It has already shrunk half its size!! It is now 2.2 cm!! Thank you Jesus!!! Also, some of my blood counts are good so I can continue to eat what I want and go in public! Heck yeah!! Sushi!! My red blood cell count is down so I get really tired easy. I mean, I can walk from my bedroom to the kitchen and feel as if I just ran 5 miles. It is pretty lame. I was expected by the doc to be sick and not able to go in public as of now but I am rockin’ and rollin’ through this chemotherapy! Of course, I am not taking this for granted because next week I could be really bad off. So, I am saying thank you to the good lord for my wonderful health. Also, you have to hit rock bottom before you get better and last week after my 2nd treatment I was down and out. It was again a horrible beginning of the week after chemo but by Saturday I was gaining my strength back.

I absolutely love my job and all the people I work with. For everyone who does not know, I am the Customer Relations Manager at Rene Isip Toyota of Lewisville. I handle all the customers who are happy, belligerent, irate, you name the mood a person is in; I see it everyday and handle them with a positive happy attitude! Of course we have tons of happy customers over mad customers. And not to be vain but yes, I am good at it! For some reason God gave me the ability to be patient with people who cuss and scream at me. Also the ability to work with men. And ladies, we all know that men can be hard to work with at times but I have some pretty thick skin so I do not mind putting these dudes in their places. Anyway… one of my favorite people, Rene’s assistant and Ryan’s Cousin Courtney has helped me a lot through the past weeks with my entire work load. Courtney has set up a Team for the Susan G. Kolman Race for the Cure that is taking place in Dallas TX on Oct 16, 2010 at North Park Center. A lot of friends from work, family members of employees I work with, Ryan’s family members, and friends of mine are walking the race in my honor and for other women who are battling/ surviving Breast Cancer. If you would like to walk the race or donate please let me know and I will register you. One of our friends and our co-workers Chris George’s cousin is making some pretty cool shirts for the race too! So if you are interested please email me and I will register you and get you a cool T shirt! Mmurr23@yahoo.com.
Now, I am not sure if I will be able to walk because if my blood counts are low then
I can not but if they are up I may. The walk is on the week of chemo so I am probably not going to be feeling like a champion that week.

I also would like to say Thank you to the wonderful people over at Honda Cars of Katy. Some employees and family members from the dealership in Houston are coming in town for the race and are walking in my honor as well. I have felt so much love from so many people and thank everyone for all of their support. This is such a tough battle and sometimes it is extremely hard to get up out of bed in the morning. I lay in bed and want to give up. But when I feel everyone’s love and support it truly keeps me going. I have one of the best support systems in the whole dang world. Between all my friends (From my younger years through all my school years, college,friends all over)my whole family in FLA (all over FLA), Ryans family, co-workers, just random people I have never met,and everyone...I am so blessed to have the best people in my life.
Especially to Ryan’s mom Deb, who has been to every doctor appt with me, taking me days after chemo to the doc for dehydration, keeping my feet cute with Tory Burch flats, making me pot roast, listening to me complain, and just being there for me through everything. My mom is not able to be here with me at this time and Deb has always been and is like a second mom to me. Deb, I love you so much and thank you for everything you do for me. I may not say it enough but I really appreciate and am thankful for you and everything you do for me.



  1. whatever! you're still beautiful even if you think you look like that silly weirdo from lord of the rings! i definitely think you are one of those people who are beautiful no matter what! even at age 90 you'll probably still be georgous while some of us are super old a wrinkly! anyways. im glad you have positive people around you! i wish the very very very best for you!! <3 <3 <3 lots of love!
    p.s i think im gonna try to make it for the walk! so count me in! =D

  2. You are totally awesome! and I cry every time I read your blog because of how awesome you and your support team are in TX. I am sure a lot of other people in FL would say that we are all rooting for you!

    There is the Making Strides for Breast Cancer walk in Panama City October 9th. I attached the FB link at the bottom. I was going to get involved in the spring but due to moving (I'm in Tally), I cannot. I think it would be great if someone would walk for Ms. Murr in her hometown. But that is just me speaking, as I cannot.


  3. Hi Maegan.. it was my pleasure to prepare nutritious foods for you today and I hope that you enjoy everything. I would love it if you could send me your email address.. you can reach me at roni@chefroni.com.

    I think you are so brave and your smile is so incredibly bright that one can't see anything else. You are truly a beautiful woman.


    Chef Roni

  4. For the record, you are more beautiful than Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie and the likes of them. Sadly for them, Hollywood makes them beautiful. Your strength and spirit make you. Keep your chin up and know God has your back.

  5. maegan smeagul is beautiful

  6. I am sorry to hear you about your illness, I hope things have gotten/are better for you now. Despite the chemo, you are still a very beautiful woman! If you think you look like gollum, you should see me! I have the bone structure, the small nose, and the mouth just like gollum. And also my eyes are HUGE (also because of an illness) lol...Well i really do hope youre still better! :D