Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Future Belongs to Those Who Survive Their Past

There is so much fear involved in Cancer. You have a choice to either fear Cancer or just love it. I choose to love this darkness in my body. After all, it is kind of part of me now. It is just one of my flaws I have to live with at the moment. If you fear Cancer then you will be mentally unstable along with getting even more physically sick. Have I confused you yet? Moral of the story- I am not by any means living with cancer. Cancer is living with me. And since it has decided to over due it’s welcome for a good 4-6 months it better be prepared to deal with my life and the way I live. So if I want to go shopping and then eat ice cream it has to deal with it. Even if it does make me fatigued to walk around the mall or give me horrible acid reflux, I am not turning down ice cream! This Cancer is not stopping me from having a life. Just putting that out there.

Last week was extremely hard on me. The night of chemo and the following 5 days were literally hell. I pretty much was living in a nightmare. Unfortunately, this is part of the joy ride I am on. Luckily, I am a fighter and give mega props to my body because it kicked some butt and I feel awesome as of yesterday!! (Knock on wood) I only have 5 days of crazy then I am me again! My treatments are every other week so I am happy to know that I will have one bad week and one good week. At least, this is what I am praying.

I went in for my blood work today and was told that my white blood cells, red blood cells, and something else important is low. Not too low- but low. Which is normal because that means the chemo is working! Starting next week I have to begin a new diet because I am on the verge of becoming Neutopenia. Which means the chemo destroyed my white blood cell count. There is nothing to do to prevent this from happening. I just can’t go in crowds and if I do I get to wear a sassy face mask! Exciting! I also can not eat certain foods like uncooked veggies and no fruit. No sushi! So it’s going to be a boring diet but I do not care as long as I am getting better!

This week my best friend from PCB is coming to TX to stay with me!! Katy will be here! We are having my Goodbye Hair Party Saturday and I will be shaving my head. In a way I am excited to see my hair gone because it is one step closer to me being healed. AND it is my way of saying “FU Cancer”. You can take my hair but ya can’t take my soul. Last night I was looking at myself in the mirror imaging me being bald. What I will look like. I have always had different hair styles. Never bald but I guess there is time for everything. And now is my time to shine with a bald head.

I thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers sent up to heaven for me. Heavenly father has blessed me with feeling better this week and given me the strength to get through some of the hardest days I have ever had in my life. God is great! Until next time… Fight like a girl ;)


  1. So yea what I said about you eating whatever you want ...scratch that cause I didn't realize you were almost neutropenic...I am sorry:( I guess you already know not to eat anything that can carry germs:) Oh well when this is all over with you can eat whatever you want and it will taste so GOOD:)

  2. Maegan,
    I would like you to know that you are in my prayers and my family & I wish you the very best. Just remember that the lord doesnt put on your plate what you cant handle. If you continue to keep a positive outlook on things, with time things will get better and you will be able to continue your life. Your age and your drive are already 2 characteristics known for beating this situation. I always say every disappointment is a blessing in disguise. You couldnt have a better support staff than the one you currently have right now with the isips and your family.

    Best of Luck,
    Patrick O.

  3. Hey there- I know that I do not know you, but I was friends with Ryan, Caleb and Austin in high school. I saw on Facebook the new pictures you tagged them in and then noticed the title of your album "cancer warrior" and being my nosey self clicked on your name and saw your blog link. I then (still being nosey went on to read all of your posts). I lost my mom about a year and a half ago to lung cancer and reading your blog made me remember so many of the hard things we went through with her (like the first chemo treatment and picking out a wig) and I sat here (keep in mind-not knowing you at all) tearing up over the things you had written about. I wanted to tell you though that you will be surprised at how many people you touch through your blog. I started one for my mom when she got too overwhelmed updating everyone and it was so humbling to see how many lives she touched based on just the people who read the blog and commented. Your writing is actually really funny (even though the topic is not at all humorous) and you are so brave to post so many personal things about yourself. You never know who will end up reading it and finding courage in themselves because of your own courageousness! What an inspiration you are.

    I will keep you in my prayers and hope that you stay so strong and hang on to that sense of humor. Hang in there- you can beat this!

    Trust God- he can help you do great things!

    Courtney Womack